The Best Of The Daily Reckless 2023, by Various Artists (2024)

1.

Oh oh the dustbin men at No.10Think it’s such a f*cking shameThat the sinister prime ministerNever makes them daisy chainsThey’re swapping disappointing incidentsWhile offshore another boat pulls inAnd suddenly the door breaks down (ooh la la)It’s the seven deadly binsOn the doorstep the cop and the catHave seen it all beforeDictators and murderersHave stumbled through that doorSordid affairs with billionairesAnd powder in their gunsAnd the seven bins with their deadly grinsTend to measure beauty in tunsThe first is red for taking out the deadAnd the second is orange for debrisThe third is yellow, going to hell ohThe fourth is pretending to be greenThe fifth is blue for me and youThe sixth is indigoBut the seventh deadly bin is violet and grimOh oh oh oh ohAnarchy, anarchy, anarchy

2.

Rubbing myself with filthy headlinesPreparing an online diatribeSpoonfeed me delicious made up outrageMake me feel aliveAnger me! Sully my childhood memories!More upset! MORE!Culture wars and culture boresFighting imaginary warsEach side suckered in by eachNouveau brain dead nouveau richeAre you so bland you cannot seeOr think or hear yourselfRoy Rogers and trigger mePut that book back on the shelfShut down the bloody internet

3.

I’m your only friendI’m not Ashley your friendBut I’m a little glowing friendBut really I’m not actually your friendBut I amPeter Murrell, Murray Foote, Nicola SturgeonWho watches over youKate Forbes with a birdhouse in DingwallNot to put too fine a point on itSay I’m the only wee free in your bonnetKate Forbes has a birdhouse in DingwallI have a secret to tellJesus loves you as wellIt’s a simple message and I’m leaving out the whistles and bellsSo everyone must listen to meMake me leader of the SNPBut I’ll have to kill off Yousaf and Ash Regan first you seeGod says Scotland expectsMy Guardian columnists are always nearPeter Murrell, Murray Foote, Nicola SturgeonWho watches over youKate Forbes with a birdhouse in DingwallNot to put too fine a point on itSay I’m the only wee free in your bonnetKate Forbes has a birdhouse in Dingwall

4.

Living on the east coast, babeIn an Angus paradiseWhere they call a spade a spadeAnd it’s a peh not a pieThe home of MacgonagallAnd the silvery TayDens Park and TannadiceWay hey hey hey heyWe’re in Dundee-oIt’s the Rio of ScotlandHome of the BeanoJournalism, Jute and JamMinnie the Minx is hereAnd so is Desperate DanThe V&A and Brian CoxFrom Succession

5.

6.

There’s a hippopotamus, a hippopotamus, in Glenrothemus, made of tin*A hippopotamusA hippopotamusA hippopotamus made of tinHow did it get there? How did it get there? How did it get there?Stan BonnarHow did it get there? How did it get there? How did it get there?Stan Bonnar:“There was a little hippoIt is a work of environmental artEnvironmental cognitive recreativity.”Isn’t it grand?Yes. Yes. So grand.*lyric by @billherbert

7.

8.

9.

Realign yer chakrasRealign yer chakrasRealign yer chakrasWith Yanis VaroufakisHe has a new visionOf capitalismTechnofeudalismNo more neoliberalismMad Men takeThe sizzle not the steakEverything’s fakeNobody’s awakeOld markets are deadThanks to the internetEveryone’s in debtCan you understand it yet?It’s quite the shiftNo-one noticedExcept YanisHe knows where it’s at and is

10.

I’ve got friends in low placesYou don’t want to go thereTheir miserable facesCan only sit and stareNothing’s lovelyAll the timeI’ve got friends in high placesYou don’t want to go thereTheir ecstatic facesCan only stop and stareEverything’s lovelyAll the timeSo put me downFor a visit every second dayI’ll be perfectly balancedIn every possible wayThis is boringMy adoring public awaitsI’m ignoringAll the warningsThis is greatMost of my socialisingIs at funerals these daysIt isn’t really surprisingLife’s a passing phaseNot much is happeningSome of the timeSo put me downOr pick me up againI’m completely unbalancedI’m Tao, I’m Zen

11.

12.

13.

If you’re feeling insularGet to a peninsulaLike South Korea, Italy or FifeYou can escape the commonplaceIf you are willing to embraceThe peninsular mentality of lifeIf you’ve got a beef, mateThen don’t cross the lineYou can alienateWhenever you likeYou needn’t be prejudiceJust appreciate the blissAnd if you don’t like the countryYou can always jump into the sea,Ignorance is rifeThe peninsula mentality of lifeWill come to youWhenever I wanderWherever I roamThere’s a nagging feelingThat’s dragging me homeYou could be on a dual carriagewaySuffering from road rage, sayAnd all of a sudden, out of the blueKirkcaldy is calling youWhat is it about Fife?The peninsula mentality of lifeYeahThe peninsula mentality of life

14.

Raac, raac, raac, raac, raac in the high schoolWell, I don’t care about historyRaac, raac, raac in the high schoolAnd I’m the education secretaryRaac, raac, raac in the high schoolI don’t care about politicsI just wanna chuck some bricksRaac, raac, raac, raac, raac in the high schoolRaac, raac, raac, raac, raac in the high schoolf*ck f*ck, raac in the high schoolf*ck f*ck, raac in the high schoolf*ck f*ck, raac in the high schoolf*ck, f*ck, oh babyf*ck, f*ck, oh babyf*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ckRaac, raac, raac, raac, raac in the high schoolRaac, raac, raac, raac, raac in the high schoolRaac, raac, raac, raac, raac in the high schoolRaac, raac, raac, raac, raac in the high school

15.

Here we all are sitting in a funfairIn fabulous sixties outfits and hairDoin’ the things that you’re not supposed toLike smoking a fa*g on a rollercoasterI am smoking a fa*gOn a rollercoasterBut I can’t find the ashtray

16.

17.

I like small speakers,I like tall speakers,If they’re wide speakers, I won’t have them aroundWalkin’ about being really judgemental,Gained a few pounds? should have stuck to the lentils,Critical, bit of a bitch you know,Oh-woah-woah, woah-woah-woah!

18.

On November the fifth in 2023They were chucking fireworks at the polis in NiddrieThe Edinburgh Evening News put it on the front pageBut they used a fake picture tryin’ to cause yet more outrageThere’s a riot goin’ on – the Evening News has got a pictureThere’s a riot goin’ on – a 10 year old pictureThere’s a riot goin’ onHey, that’s Kyiv, not NiddrieNational World Publishing – stirring sh*t a speciality

19.

20.

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!Alas! I am very sorry to sayThat ninety lives have been taken awayOn the last Sabbath day of 1879,Which will be remember’d for a very long time.‘Twas about seven o’clock at night,And the wind it blew with all its might,And the rain came pouring down,And the dark clouds seem’d to frown,And the Demon of the air seem’d to say-“I’ll blow down the Bridge of Tay.”When the train left EdinburghThe passengers’ hearts were light and felt no sorrow,But Boreas blew a terrific gale,Which made their hearts for to quail,And many of the passengers with fear did say-“I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay.”But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,Boreas he did loud and angry bray,And shook the central girders of the Bridge of TayOn the last Sabbath day of 1879,Which will be remember’d for a very long time.So the train sped on with all its might,And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,And the passengers’ hearts felt light,Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,With their friends at home they lov’d most dear,And wish them all a happy New Year.So the train mov’d slowly along the Bridge of Tay,Until it was about midway,Then the central girders with a crash gave way,And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,Because ninety lives had been taken away,On the last Sabbath day of 1879,Which will be remember’d for a very long time.As soon as the catastrophe came to be knownThe alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,And the cry rang out all o’er the town,Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,And a passenger train from Edinburgh,Which fill’d all the peoples hearts with sorrow,And made them for to turn pale,Because none of the passengers were sav’d to tell the taleHow the disaster happen’d on the last Sabbath day of 1879,Which will be remember’d for a very long time.It must have been an awful sight,To witness in the dusky moonlight,While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,I must now conclude my layBy telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,That your central girders would not have given way,At least many sensible men do say,Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,At least many sensible men confesses,For the stronger we our houses do build,The less chance we have of being killed.